Your life is your message to the world. Make it inspiring. -lorrin l. lee


Another semester has come and gone faster than I was able to breathe, stop and blink, or even enjoy a moment of it. 20 credits now complete; but left with a sense of melancholy bittersweet feeling. The past 3-5 years of my life have become a blur. I know the message I would like to give the world; but I feel as if I have worked against myself in relaying this message. I have realized I am obsessive compulsive about staying busy. It allows me to keep my mind from growing weary and blue and dwelling on sad moments. The constant chaos that has become a storm in my mind has left me with a final realization on just how much I want life to slow down. I have lived in fast forward for far too long. Trying to make up for lost time when I went off track, changed my mind on career paths…. moved, got set back financially….. … I over indulged in school to try and shave off the extra semester. In return; I over worked my body, became ill (more than once)…. and completely ran myself into the ground. I ask; what is my message in life to the world? Work until you fall apart? If I were to look back over the past year— it would be most evident that is what I was saying. However, that is not my message in life to the world.

I want my message in life to be along these lines:

1.Enjoy each moment in life. Embrace the messes, the unfortunate blessings. It is what makes us who we are in the end.

2.Smile each day. Look in the mirror and admire the person you are and how far you have come.

3.Spend less time on trying to fix everything in the world and fix yourself.

4.Do your best to be a very kind, loving, appreciative person to each and everyone–no matter their demeanor.

5.Look around you–Take a picture in your mind of the beauty of nature. Enjoy it. Get lost in it.

6.Do not over schedule your self. Life is far too short to take away from your health, your family, and the ones important to you. Nothing is worth the risk of those things.

7. Embrace pain and find the beauty within the disaster.

8. Trust few people. Many will fool you.

9. Laugh often.

10. Start a bucket list and get to work on crossing those things off.

I have a lot to say. Much of it feels trapped inside. This year has been long, chaotic, dreary at times, and extremely difficult. I made sure to test on how hard I could push myself. I am proud of my accomplishments, but disappointed that I don’t remember enjoying it much because I was always too buried in school work. My message in life for this year is: Slow down. Embrace life. Smile lots. Laugh often.

I have been accused in life of being selfish and for walking out on things for obtaining a degree in something that makes me happy. And because it makes me happy I am “doing what I want”. I apologize to everyone who feels this way or is made to feel this way by another. I choose happiness over money. I will not settle and be unhappy every day I wake up and go to work—- I am going to die being happy by doing what I love. This is not selfishness. Life is too short to be miserable and we are the ultimate holders of our own happiness. I just choose to do something about it. I choose a career that I will enjoy in payment for Happiness.

Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.

By : Groucho Marx

The ending of this academic year is bittersweet. I am not looking forward to returning in the fall much. However, I am so close to completing my degree. When this is all over and done; I hope you are all ready for one big party because we will be celebrating.

Summer feels as if it has already been scheduled for me. This is not ok. I am working on slowing down and breaking the habit of being too busy. I want to remember something.

Congratulations to all my fellow colleagues of BSU! You will be missed in the fall! The Art Department will surely NOT BE THE SAME! 😦

Love and Peace Friendships!

Shanna Mae.

Advertisements

Raise Your Glass Up To a New Year


When you learn to forgive yourself; it is then that you learn to live and love again. The time we’ve spent placing blame upon ourselves has created this heavy cloud upon our heart. We must learn that life is a journey and an experience that helps us learn and grow to who we are to become. We must learn to stop blaming others. Life is only what you make of it. You are equally responsible for the events that happen when you have the ability to change the things you can. Those that we cannot change; we ask for help to accept what we can’t. I have heard plenty of stories, watched others pick up pieces of shattered hearts and watched others blame themselves and search for love.

This year has been full of experience for me. It has come and gone faster than the break of dawn. I’ve ached and blamed myself for things not working out how I wanted them to. Questioning my own judgement, worrying about what might happen next, fearing the next painstaking moment, crying over another who didn’t have my best interest, putting myself down as a mother. … I have had many mistakes of my own. I have kept them locked so deep inside; the painful memories that I hide.

I’ve felt pain and hunger. Lost love and wonder. I’ve been beat into the ground; left shattered and lost. I’ve felt fear and anxiety.I’ve cried and screamed. Felt lonely and alone. Left only to learn to stand again. To breathe again. To think again. To believe again. To love again.

I have felt comfort. I’ve felt love and laughter.  I have learned to dream again. Through this long  journey of 2010– I have learned who I am. I still struggle every day in ways of communicating my past experience to rid myself of the terror.

I’ve been blessed with series of unfortunate events; that I do not frown upon. There were times I felt I could no longer go on. Exhausted by mind and constant running. Struggling every day to make ends meet. To be there for my daughter. I have challenged myself to extreme limits. I have pressed on harder in times of doubt from others. I have learned to block the unnecessary jabs to ones hopes and dreams. I have craved organization, more determination, more dreams. I’ve grown as an artist; a mother; a daughter and friend.

This year has left me feeling accomplished in many aspects. I have reached innumerable goals. I have tried and failed; but I did not fail to try.

I will never apologize for who I am. I would rather be loved for who I am; than who I am not.

This past year I have met many amazing people who have made a very large impact on my heart. Others who have helped me hold myself together when I felt like crumbling.

I have developed a very deep understanding of life, family, love, friends, and God.

I have came a long way from where I was a year ago. And I have learned so many things. I have felt so many emotions. I have developed who I am. Recognized my true passions and desires.

2010 is coming to an end dear friends; and I want to know what you will take with you. What you will leave behind. And which goals you will set for yourself this new year. Whatever it is you find along your journey always keep these things in mind:

Love as if you have never loved before. Forgive yourself and you will forgive others. You will learn to live and love again when you have found internal peace. When you feel like crumbling; keep going anyways. Try and maybe fail; but do not fail to try. We have one shot at life. This is not our dress rehearsal. Live each day as if it were your last. Be mindful of others but do not accept anything less that will cause hurt to you. Learn that sometimes you must let go; even though it hurts. P.U.S.H.- Pray until something happens. When you feel like giving up; keep faith because God will carry you on. Do things that scare you. Show the ones you love how much you love them because you never know if it will be the last chance you get with them. Listen to your heart; and you will find your calling. Be no one; other than yourself.

2011 will be my last year of school for my BFA and it will have taken me 10 years to obtain it. It is never too late. It took me 8 years to do what I really enjoy in life. I have never been so blessed. The moment I started listening to what God had set for me to do– things started falling into place. I have still faced a lot of hardships; but frown upon none. They have helped me learn and grow as a person. I have learned and felt so much this year that I have no idea how to put it into words.

With this year coming to an end; I just want to say thank you to all of you have crossed my path in life. Those who have continued with me in life; thank you. Thank you to my AMAZING family, friends and professors. The ones who have pushed me to keep on going when I felt I could no longer.

I have experienced one of the busiest years of my life. I have completed like 2 years of life in 1 year. This year I set myself a few resolutions.

  1. Pray more. Love more. Smile more. Learn more.
  2. Dedicate time to myself to settle my mind, body, and soul.
  3. Learn to relax and teach myself it is OK to do so once in a while.
  4. Touch others hearts. Inspire others.
  5. Create my Senior Show with a goal of ridding my heart and mind of pain.
  6. De-clutter my life.
  7. Become organized.

I may have a few more that I cannot think of at the moment. However, I just want to wish you all a safe, happy and healthy New Year. I am taking all I have learned in to 2011 and leaving all the painful things behind but will always keep them in mind.

Here’s to the end of 2010 and the beginning of 2011! The best is yet to come. Welcome to the first day of your life, the first page of a new chapter for all.

Love and Peace.

Shanna Mae

 

Happy Memorial Day!


Happy Memorial Day! It is a day to remember all of our soldiers, veterans and our fallen soldiers. We need to take the time to give thanks for them who have fought for our freedom. Usually, I spend it with my family but have a lot to do back at our place! However, I have a lot to do before I start working again on Tuesday! So, what are you up to today!?

The drive back last night was fun! It was a two hour drive but it was a good one. I had a storm brewing to the left of me and then sunny to the right. My daughter and I laughed and danced to music and sang at the top of our lungs until she FINALLY fell asleep. She was pretty tired!

So,  I have been wanting to start my own web page and I do know that it is possible to purchase your blog for your web site. Does anyone have any helpful links on what I need to do to get a host/domain name? Where is it affordable? Or any that you are most happy with? I would appreciate any and all advice I am able to get!  I’ve been wanting to build my own web site for a really long time but I am not always sure what to look for?

I am also in the process of putting together a list of blogs that I enjoy reading and that are full of helpful tutorials and such. So, that should be coming soon.

Yesterday, I worked on that set of corn toss boards from like 10 am until 5:30 pm before I called it quits. I did not even get real far other than most of the background painted and ready for the foreground images. Time just flies when I am making art. I forget to eat. I just get lost in that creative process. It is so therapeutic for me. With all I have gone through these last five years; it has most definitely been the most beneficial and productive for me.  I love it!

Today:

*do laundry
*clean & organize Halle’s room
*get things together for rummage
*take out the trash
*clean & organize my room
*make a permanent home for my fabric
*spend time with Halle
*clean bathroom

Oh goodness, the list probably will go on and on! I just need to clean our apartment from start to finish! Things never fully got organized or put away since I moved in to these apartments at the most intense time in school. I need to gather things for the rummage too in a couple of weeks!

I told my friend Christina I will have to have her help with some organizing techniques. She is a organized artist. I have a terrible time being organized and staying on top of things. I hope I can find someone to help teach me some organizational skills!

I found a very helpful link for Minnesota artists! I am not sure if it includes some of the surrounding states or not but I will put that up here!! http://www.springboardforthearts.org/ I have posted this on my facebook for my fellow friend artists and would like to share with the rest! I hope you find it of some help!  It is such a resourceful site! If anyone finds anything that is very helpful, please send this way! I have been wanting to write a grant through the Region 2 Arts Council but I always miss the deadlines. I will probably have to head down to the Bemidji Community Center for the Arts and sign up on their mailing list in person. Just so I get it right away and can work on writing a grant! I would like to write one for a press bed for lithography possibly or a studio space of some sort or even a surger sewing machine and more designer fabric!  Oh, I am such an addict for art!

Well, I have kind of been rambling this morning and I really need to start my day for now! I hope to post later tonight and if not tonight by Wednesday! After I have finished the set of baggo boards! I work Tuesday night and have an appointment during the day! Then sew, sew, sew the rest of the week and I still have to write an artist bio for Christina!

Now, I just need to make myself some coffee and get to work.

So, I will close for now! I hope everyone has an amazing Memorial Day weekend and thank you for all of the soldiers, veterans, and fallen soldiers for making my freedom possible.

Speaking of Memorial Day. I want to just share something about one of my good friends. He is very inspiring! Please take the time to check him out! http://www.philcosfreedomteam.net/ He runs in honor of his best friend who didn’t come back home after his Iraq tour. He runs carrying the flag! His story is very inspiring and I encourage you to take the time to check it out!

Love and Peace friendships!

Shanna Mae