Warning!!
04 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
in Inspired By Nature, life Tags: art, artist dates, artistic, creative, nature
2011 Closing the door.
03 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
in Life
Here I sit, still awake. I have been racking my brain these last few weeks in knowing that 2011 would be coming to a close. I have been quite restless and caught up in how I will close the door on 2011. I am just really not quite sure what to think about this past year. Firstly because most of it seems to be a blur and the other is because it was probably one of the most difficult years I have yet endured. It was a year of chaos, excitement, confusion, sadness, pain, exhaustion, happiness, etc. It was just like any other year previous. All present challenges and experience, some happy and some difficult. I am not one to do things the easy way anyways but I would like to just once maybe figure out how to simplify and slow down my life.
It wasn’t too long ago when I had a clear view of what I wanted to do after school and where I wanted to be in life. Those things now are not so clear anymore. I have been one to be very grateful and appreciative, always learn something from each good and bad experience in life; but this year was a very different year. It was almost a humbling experience. An eye opener in many areas of life’s spectrum. I don’t even know where to begin or what to say about it even. However–I did manage to survive it and last time I checked I was still breathing.
I want to just share some of the things that 2011 taught me.
1.) COMMUNICATION: is by far one of THE MOST IMPORTANT tools in life. With out communication— things get mistranslated, misunderstood, and a lot of times doesn’t even make it to whom it should because of being too busy to even slow down to take the time to communicate. I have learned that communication is right next to honesty and trust in the foundation to a relationship of any sort. Friendship, Romantic, Business, Educational, etc. With no communication things fall apart. Important people fade away. Plans fall through. & there you are left full of disappointment.
2.)YOU’RE NOT SUPERWOMAN: Just because you were able to run nonstop 8 years ago and prior to a child; working a couple of full-time jobs and attending school full-time; DOES NOT MEAN that you can continue that for 8 years to follow along with raising a child, obtaining your education, trying to keep employers happy, and so on…. I am not superwoman and I need to accept that I am no longer as young as I once was. Everyone needs to take time to rest from time to time. Stop telling yourself you don’t have time and MAKE TIME.
3.)TIME: Time is precious. It is something you can get back once it has passed. We cannot rewind to a past moment to relive that time. BE HERE NOW. SAY HOW YOU FEEL TO THE ONES YOU CARE ABOUT. DANCE. SING. PLAY. LAUGH. LOVE. (even if it brings pain) A quote I read this year says; “CHERISH EVERY MEMORY; LOVE EVERY MOMENT; EMBRACE EVERY POSSIBILITY.” “IMAGINE YOUR DREAM; CREATE YOUR HAPPINESS; LIVE YOUR LIFE.”
4.)HAPPINESS: I share with you the following quote because I strongly believe our attitudes we have a big play in self happiness or happiness in life.
Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.- Groucho Max
5.)GROWTH: I had done some researching this past year on various things pertaining to one self; their happiness, in how we deal with pain, how we grow, and how it affects our soul, etc. If you haven’t heard of Ivan Randos—- I suggest you add him to your to-read list.
GROWTH
Discomfort is part of growth and is only a negative if we resist from it. Yes, it may be painful to grow, to take a risk and jump into the unknown, but it’s worth it. Growth is the reason our consciousness chose to be born in this life and to participate in our particular set of experiences.
The discomfort that comes with growth is temporary if we are open to the lesson and willing to move forward without holding back or getting stuck in the discomfort.
Every growth experience moves into the unknown, the indefinable. It doesn’t matter whether we grew yesterday. Neither can we afford to wait until tomorrow to grow more. Growth happens as a consequence of the flow of understanding in the present moment. Only through understanding can we accept it. Only through accepting it does the understanding become part of our being.
There is never a time to run from the present moment, even if staying entails suffering. If we run from suffering, we just create another, perhaps greater experience of suffering down the road. When we accept suffering in full awareness, displaying curiosity concerning the lesson of the moment, we become the master of our reality.
It’s not possible to grow by trying. Instead, we grow when we engage in a harmonious cooperation with nature. Growth happens through surrender to what is, without conditions, attachments, expectations, or hesitation. We simply respond in the ways life asks of us.
Difficult moments happen, but when we encounter them without resistance and with awareness, we see that they have contributed to our growth. Those who avoid the pain of growth avoid their own evolution and remain immature.
We can only become a fully actualized human being by becoming proactive in our growth, responsible for our growth, which indicates our trust in the unknown. This moment right now is the unknown, and this is where our responsibility needs to be focused. By saying “yes” to the now, the image we have of ourselves in our mind evaporates and we come into our real self, the One Self that is infinite consciousness.
Only in the now do we grow, becoming who we really are.
-Ivan Rados
http://www.namastepublishing.com/weekly-yantra
I have many more things I would love to share but will have to wait until another time. Maybe in a couple of days. I must get the little one ready for school.
Love to all!
Embrace Life For All It Is
25 Sep 2011 Leave a Comment
in Life
We have all experienced pain at times and we have all harbored that pain in a sacred place. Putting it away.. deep, deep, deep inside of us in a dark corner of our souls. We have held on to those things and are often reminded of them by song, certain atmospheres and various scenes, smells or sounds. Some never deal with these things and others find creative outlets to release or pour their pain or even joy into these creations they have constructed out of nothing. Allowing them the sense of letting go.
Tonight, I was so tired I couldn’t stay up through a movie and then as soon as I laid to rest for the night I couldn’t sleep. Thoughts started racing through my head and ideas started coming to me. So many things I wish to share and I am trying to remind myself that I have a life time to share them. I do not have to cram it all into this one show.
I have a house of great company and instead of waking them up by my inability to sleep I started our campfire again and now here I sit…. working on a part of my senior show by campfire light. It is quite whimsical and magical all at the same time. The crackling of the flames coming off the burning wood and the nice taste of a cold beverage. The stars illuminating the sky and just the joy of embracing the nature I am surrounded by. I didn’t get up to ramble but to try and catch my thoughts so they do not slip away before I wake.
Over the last couple of years I have done great research on various things and one being the soul. I have researched behavior and studied behaviors of others. I have delved deeply into psychology, spirituality and the pure existence of life, of nature, of us. A lot of what is rooted deep in my soul are memories, nightmares, and pain. And often I try and step outside of myself to observe the feelings I have felt and tried to figure out ways of expressing these experiences I have had. This is hard from time to time and others it seems to go smoothly when I am able to utilize symbolism into my pieces. So far it has always been nature and the nature of things or the life processes of nature; that I have referred too.
I have realized that of many things in life that we are in constant search of who we are. An identity. A place where we belong. Thinking there is this one certain place for us. That things will better if we go some where else. Life is interesting. The things I have learned through out my time thus far is that we are human beings, bound to make mistakes. But if we are able to find that peace within ourselves we must firstly, forgive ourselves and ask God to help us find forgiveness within in order to proceed to the next part of our journey. If we are still in pain we must then forgive those who have caused us pain. Then we must start again. Begin again. Once we have achieved those things, life will start to fall in place.
Everyone of us has a purpose in life. To some it is more apparent and others it hasn’t been presented yet or they just haven’t listened close enough. We must quiet ourselves inside to listen. Be mindful of where we are and who we are. We must listen to what is inside and what it is telling us.
This thing called life is one ride. Embrace all of it. The pain. The joy. The heartache and sadness. The happiness. There is so much to be grateful for in life. But we seem to forget. We can choose to look negative upon our situations…. or we can choose to find light and positive outlooks upon our situations. We are ultimately the holder of that place.
For now, I am going to go. I have some things to work on and get out before I forget.
Peace and love be with all of my dear friendships.
Shanna Mae
Sometimes We Forget To Begin.
13 Sep 2011 Leave a Comment
in Life
When I was a small child I had dreams of being a singer, a writer, an artist, a figure skater, a gymnast, a mother and an explorer. Through out childhood I invented things, collected things, and created things. I would run and jump and laugh and play. Spending hours on the beach picking rocks with my grandma. Collecting unique agates, fossil rocks, shells, pieces of wood and shore tumbled glass. Wandering up the big rock, picking blueberries. Driving around in that old blue tin car. Building houses out of the freshly cut green grass. Digging through the junk yards, looking for unique old junk that became treasures. Listening to my grandma sing to the birds and listening to that thing that would sing when you walked passed the hutch in the kitchen. Listening to Bible stories while spending the night at her house. Putting on plays with the neighbor kids and writing stories and illustrating creativity.
Life was simple. Innocent. Free.
As I grew older I kept sketchbooks upon sketchbooks, journals upon journals and notebooks filled of doodles over notes from classes. I would day dream in class on what I wanted to be when I grew up. Even though being artistic and creative was who I was inside and the only thing that made me feel whole; it felt far fetched, impossible and unrealistic to live a financially stable life. I didn’t want to do anything else so 1st career choice: Full-time Waitress/Bartender. A year after graduating I decided I needed to have an education and although I had been discouraged from being an artist I started with general studies, which then through out the last ten years have gone from the typical AAS degree, to a a AA in Visual Arts, to a Business Office Certificate, to a Business degree, to a Medical Assistant degree, to a Graphic Design degree to finally a BFA in Studio Art with a goal of becoming an Art Therapist some day. The time came in life when I had never felt so low in life, so unfulfilled, so incomplete, so far from myself. Once I divulged into my creativity I quickly started to feel complete and life started to have meaning outside of being a mother. Things became so clear and started making sense in my mind.
Now over the past two years I am nearing the end of my educational requirements for a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree. It is about damn time; it only took me 10 years. The last two years…… I look back and feel a wide variety of emotions. I felt every kind of feeling and emotion a person could feel. Physically and mentally. Exhaustion. Pain. Happiness. Sadness. Fear. Anxiety. Joy. and on and on and on. Today, I sit here working towards my last HUGE semester despite the one requirement next semester and I feel BLAH! I for the first time since I followed my heart have questioned my purpose, my journey, my intentions, and heart. Why am I doing this? Why am I an artist? What am I supposed to do next?
I have felt stuck, unmotivated and uninspired. I have felt scared??? It is a sure possibility. But of what? A year ago I had my Senior Exhibit all planned out and the exact purpose and meaning behind it. Now all I can do is go into this deep panic attack with a sudden feeling of suffocating. I question myself as to why? I have never felt more happiness and joy inside or even love for myself. This path has helped me grow immensely and change me in ways I never imagined and allowed me to feel things I never knew I could feel. I have attempted to analyze my thoughts and behaviors through out the last 7 years of my life, along with all the actions. I have started to come to the realization that maybe…. just maybe… I am afraid of succeeding or completing something. I start them and then don’t want to finish because it brings you to the next thing. The next journey in life and right now I have no idea what that journey is at the moment because of the last year of nonstop running my body and health into the ground to complete those 47 credits, put in the 20 hours of work in 2 days and be a full time mom—being there for her EVERY morning, EVERY day, EVERY night. Plus serving on committees and helping others and the million other tasks I took on. I am not complaining about any of this and most definitely not about being a mom. My daughter is the main reason I work myself so hard. But things have become to complex and overwhelming and I still haven’t slowed down. I just want to find peace inside and be able to sit and just be. So I lost my goal following school and have had to resort to dealing with life one day at a time and not making any big plans after this.
I guess my point is a long time ago I had a million dreams. But some always more prominent than others and that was being an artist and a mother. Here I am; an Artist and a Mother. And now I am scared to allow myself to succeed. I know I can make it and know I have what it takes. So why do I stall and why do I allow things to cripple my creativity? Why am I so afraid of sharing art that represents such painful memories? Afraid of feeling naked. Ahhhh, life. Some days you suck.
Here’s to creating. Here’s to sharing. Here’s to showing what you have taught me. Here’s to stripping me of my energy.
Sometimes we forget where to begin and forget to begin at that. We lose focus. We lose energy. Sometimes we wish we could do it all over again as well. But we do not have that option. Sometimes we constantly search for solidarity and answers to questions we have and suddenly realize that maybe we have the answers already right there in front of us. Yet those answers and research bring us to more deeper rooted Things that were more the core root and the original research was only what put the icing on the cake.
Senior Show update:
October 31-November 22.
Opening reception to be announced.
Mark your calendars.
If you do not hear from me in the next two months; do not be alarmed. I am still alive but living, breathing and consuming art, emotions, feelings, and life.
Peace.
What is your journey?
20 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
I have been observing others lately and the conversations that I have with them as I analyze various things in life. Seeking and digging deep for some sort of inspiration or “ah-ha” moment that will inspire an entire body of work and I keep finding myself more confused about my original ideas and different things in life become more clear and the topic of discussions become more frequent. It is very difficult to explain.
I have come to notice after these conversations that we are all on this journey. This journey in life, to identify with who we are, or dig up the past and research history, or given certain unfortunate circumstances—try to understand or find our “new thing” or purpose in life or even where the wind will take us on our next adventure. I have noticed in others as I have noticed in myself that we all seek this meaning or soul purpose of ourselves in this huge world. Some of us believe we are of a past life and are on our journey to put the pieces back together or figure out how to get back to that point in time. So we spend our time researching and trying to dig up some concrete evidence to put a back bone to our recollection of these moments. But we seem to find very little or nothing and refuse to give up.
Others are presented with a life threatening illness that science and research has absolutely no answers too. Medical attention can only carry us so far and all the concrete dreams and plans we had for ourselves have now came to a halt because they are simply just not physically possible. So now we slowly adapt and change our life style in that which best suits our current situation and try to re-figure our purpose in life and believe there has got to be something we can do now in some way given our circumstances. We refuse to give up but yet will fight and remain living life to the fullest.
Then we have those who feel as if we have came to that point in our life and we get stuck there— wondering where we should go from here. What we should do next. Upset and lost for understanding on why we haven’t reached this point in our life yet. So we are at some what of a stand still. Just kind of waiting for what should come next.
And even more others have traveled much and experienced a lot and simply enjoy where we have been and are at currently and are waiting to see where the winds shall carry us next.
And then there those, that observe all of these conversations and as well realize they are along the same paths in life: it is all a journey. For each and every one of us; we are on a journey. We are constantly changing and evolving as people and we never end a journey. It just always continues. Even if we do not realize it: subconsciously we continue our journey.
I had a scare earlier this summer and so many thoughts ran through my mind. All I could think to myself was; “If this is something life threatening and I am this young—- I am going to set out on my journey and start crossing things off my bucket list. I am going to travel with my daughter and spend every waking moment with her living life to the fullest adventure possible.” Luckily, my body recovered the extreme exhaustion. However, we have always been on a journey. It doesn’t start when things go bad, or we reach a certain point in life, or waiting for the next thing. From the moment we are born until the moment we pass –we travel this journey in life. We can go either one of two ways. We can choose to live our journey to the fullest extent and enjoy every minute of it. We can take every bad experience and turn it into a positive or we can dwell on it. We can sit there and wonder–”what if” or feel sorry for ourselves.
Truth is; life is so short. Things happen and can be when we least expect it. Most often you will be blind sided. But we change. The only thing constant in life is change. We adapt to our surroundings. We make the most of our given situations and we learn to push forward.
Lately, life has presented me with a lot of conversations pertaining to our journey in life. I feel like it is supposed to give me this light bulb moment. But yet I grasp and grasp for motivation and inspiration. Inspiration is all around me. I just am having a tough time allowing it to escape. I am trying to make sense of it all— my journey. My next step in life. Where I shall go or what I shall do. I didn’t used to be one much for having a set plan. I have always seemed to enjoy those “just go with it” spontaneous moments. I still don’t want to have a set plan. But even the future is cloudy and unclear. So, today I accept that I must take this life one day at a time. It really isn’t hard to accept. But I sometimes get anxious when I am asked what I plan to do after I graduate. I am a mother and for my child I must have some idea of what will keep things together. But I do not. I am saying today; that I am not thinking past today. I am living in today. Each day will be a new adventure on my journey in life. Each day I will take it one day at a time. And I am alright with that. I am comfortable in saying this. When the time comes I will decide what I will do tomorrow. Life is too full of unexpected occurrences. I want to try new things and do something that scares me. I want to feel alive and enjoy every minute of it.
A journey in life as we are all on one should never be wasted. Live your life to the fullest.
I have also been pondering a lot …….about……. what mark will I leave when I am no longer here. I think of how I want to be remembered or what I want to be remembered for. What kind of impression will I leave on others. How do you want to be remembered when you are no longer here and what do you want to be remembered for?
Assignment for the day:
Tell some one important in your life; what impact or inspiration they have had in your life. I have been doing this over the past couple of years. I have spent time hunting people down and thanking them for how they had touched me and the positive effect they have had on me.
Things are changing rapidly in the world. We need to be more aware of the important things in life such as our loved ones. It’s time for me to make some changes. It’s time to simplify and get rid of the distractions of our technologically crazed lifestyles we have fallen into. I am so angered when I see a family at a table and none of them are talking to each other. They are all on their smart phones. He was so right. That artist from class when he called it the face down generation.
Goodnight.
Life. Or something like it.
17 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
in Life Tags: disrespect, feelings, landlords, life, sculpture, weathered
Tonight, I wander here and there. Pacing back and forth. Fighting the urge to light up a cigarette. Sickened to my stomach and feeling a tad lost in thoughts and feelings. These are the things I like to avoid; feelings. Yet I am so full of feelings and emotions. To explain to someone what you mean with out coming off as “pushy” but just to ask for a little more communication to feel as if they care just a little bit. Never would I have thought things would be this way. But I am full of those moments in life that blind side you on some afternoon. I try to tell myself it will only sting for a little bit and it will go away eventually. But how many moments in life can one have like that. To feel a sense of belonging to someone or somewhere.To feel that sense of caring or maybe even comforting of another.
When I encounter moments like this I have this flash of being pushed or stabbed as I try and bounce back all in slow motion. This feeling, the one that you just swallow and smile anyways. Because it feels easier that way. But really it just hurts more. I would be really concerned if I didn’t know how to feel as I am when I meet others or cross paths with others who have no sense of feelings in the world and can be just plain cruel and rude with no consideration for any one else.
I still stand by the unknown truths of love and what it really is. Does anyone really know? Other than the unconditional love for your family and those friends you would do anything for?
Things have been nothing less of a chaotic roller coaster and to try and survive that roller coaster with out tossing your cookies kind of seems to be getting a little more difficult. At least today feels this way and then tomorrow I will feel like the strongest person I know. Holding my head high, letting nothing discourage me, or taint my view of a happy little hippie life of laughter and love. I need not to be worrying about these small things. I need to worry about the upcoming academic school year and then where the wind will take my sails after I have finished.
I have learned my lesson this past year of what an obsession with being busy does to your body and your over all health and I can darn well guarantee that I do not want to experience anything like that again. I still have not fully recovered. However, as always I will be just fine.
If it weren’t for my lovely munchkin or my amazing family or my faith; I am not so sure where I would be. I may have already checked myself in for peace of mind. My family has given me undying support and love. They have encouraged me and shown me right from wrong. They along with my munchkin and my faith have given me strength to continue on and pursue large crazy goals and be determined enough to achieve them. I should not forget the few friends who have also done the same and I thank those who warned me and attempted to discourage me from those crazy goals I had for myself because it was a large part of what kept me determined. If I am told I cannot do something; I will do it just to prove I am capable.
I have lost my writing skills. Those words that seem like music or paint a picture right before your eyes. Those ones that reach deep into the back part of your brain and dig up all of those little thoughts you forgot you had until you stopped to admire your surroundings. I miss writing and have been slacking on this blog I started. There may be a few reasons for all of that. It could be the million thoughts that are running rampant in this mind of mine or it could be the feeling of bearing too much. It could also be the fact that I still haven’t remembered or learned how to slow down yet and I do not allow myself time for me enough. It seems that the more artistic I have allowed myself to become I have lost all words. I am not sure I am ok with this. There has to be a happy medium. Usually going back over old posts or writings helps sort through words and make sense of a lot of things that run through my mind. However, when I went back to review my blog posts on my myspace profile; they were gone. I was quite upset. Myspace deleted them.
I have also been quite upset that my landlord had gone into the storage unit and took all the wood panels I had been collecting for the last year. First and foremost he is supposed to contact me before entering. Secondly, he had already removed his tools and my wood was leaning against my stuff I had stacked when I first moved in. I am disheartened. He said he would return it and find me new stuff to replace the stuff he had already cut up. This was OVER a WEEK AGO! These I had saved as I found or were given to me for art. I respect my landlord as it is expected and me as a tenant deserves the same respect in return. To not answer calls or return messages. Really? Disrespectful. I feel quite violated. He will no longer have a key for my unit as he requested for in case of emergencies.
The upsetting doesn’t stop there either. I then am driving downtown to find that my BIRD, “WEATHERED” had been sat on and was bent in the hind legs and was leaning way too far forward as well as to the right some. I just don’t understand people and their disrespect for others.
Apparently, all things in life require strict instructions in LARGE PRINT. I guess people have to be treated like children and told everything in quite clear words. This is ridiculous. I would really like my wood to be brought back and I would also really like to see pictures surface of whoever sat on my bird so I could just explain why I was disheartened.
BLAH. Life, or something like it. Tomorrow will be a better day.
Please, Let’s help our Fellow Arts Community Member!
16 Jun 2011 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: artist, bad cat creations, Bemidji, Boutique, christina thorne, consignment, Duluth, MN
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http://badcatcreations.blogspot.com/2011/03/exciting-new-things-happening.html
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